TW: Miscarriage
Having a van full of kids was always on my mind when I was growing up. Granted I was not ready for them in my teens and early 20s. Frankly is anyone ever ready? However once I met my wife we were ready to try right away, after a few months of not being successful there was always that voice the back of my head as to whether it would ever happen.
After those first few months we finally had that first positive test (ok we really tested probably 5 times to be certain.) We couldn’t wait to tell others of course as we were overjoyed to be parents. I had no idea what my wife would have to go through for this first baby. She had a 5.5 inch long blood clot in her brain when she was in her Freshman year of college, believed to be caused by hormonal birth control. So due to obviously elevated hormone levels, she had to self administer blood thinning shots daily and was at the hospital nearly weekly for blood work to make sure the levels of the expensive medication was correct. Finally after fighting with my daughter while in the womb to try to flip her from being born feet first (breached) we had to undergo a C-Section further complicating the blood thinning journey.
Nothing prepares you to be a parent like those first few years but we were rocked again with my Testicular Cancer diagnosis in 2020. My daughter was just about 2 during that time so she had no idea why I wasn’t home with her as usual. After I recovered from my journey (written on another story here) we tried having another kid as soon as I was recovered. I did bank sperm but the volume of the banked sperm was on the low side as well as some of the testing. How we got pregnant with the first one I will never know. During this time period of nearly 2 years we lost at least 4 children to miscarriage and my Wife was feeling very down about our chances. I was still hopeful as the overly positive one. While no pregnancy stuck there was also many months where we weren’t successful even with timing everything perfectly according to calendars, apps and yes the phase of the moon (Ha!)
During this time my wife was blaming herself and PCOS but there was still the question of whether or not my Testicular Cancer had anything to do with it. So I underwent semen analysis after semen analysis, more than 5 in total. Most would come back abnormal due to low volume and other small issues.
We were pretty devastated as we wanted a bigger family and my daughter kept asking for a sister. We kept fighting! I drank more liquid IV than a human should to try to boost my volume and I finally produced a sample of 1.5 ml (the minimum for a normal result.) We had hope! Hopes were somewhat dashed with yet another miscarriage. I couldn’t make sense of it and didn’t think it could be me. Turns out years later (just recently in fact) it likely was. see study below
But we still decided to fight. After 8 months of doctor monitored cycles, we decided to try Clomid. After a single round of Clomid later my wife’s doctor discovered a sizable cyst on her ovary. Along with her doctor we decided to hold Clomid the following cycle and monitor the cyst. The cyst didn’t shrink over the next cycle like we hoped and without surgery for removal her doctor couldn’t rule out entirely that it was cancerous, however in an unexpected blessing we found out she was pregnant. So now we had a high risk pregnancy on top of high risk for miscarriage, plus a possible cancer scare that couldn’t be entirely ruled out before delivery. We didn’t know he was going to survive or if my wife would. Fortunately all testing came back as positive as we could hope for so we tried to stay calm. In the end the cyst ended up attached to the fallopian tube rather than involving her ovary. Ultimately the cyst and her fallopian tube was removed during the c-section and pathology came back benign which was a giant relief to us all after months of stress and anxiety.
Not to be outdone, our son had one more scare for us to endure. After taking a giant breath of amniotic fluid, he was quiet for the longest twenty seconds of our lives and then let out a gurgley, weak cry. Doctors and nurses rushed quietly to get him breathing and stabilized while they continued my wife’s surgery. Instead of weighing him in we took him into the nursery next door, I had promised my wife to get him to her when he was born and I wasn’t able to for many hours as he had to be attended by the amazing nurses. After nearly 5 hours he was ready to be done and he began ripping off some of the machines and wires monitoring him and helping him regulate his breathing. After a while of reattaching everything for him to rip it off again, the doctor decided he had stabilized enough. He was ready to meet his mama. My wife kept amazingly calm as I cried like a baby during the delay but they when they got together the tears turned happy. Happy to report here 3 1/2 years to the day of his birth he is a feisty, sweet and amazing miracle baby that we wouldn’t trade for the world. And in case you’re wondering he hasn’t stopped scaring us since the day he made his grand entrance.
We have tried unsuccessfully since and have had one more miscarriage but we have come to terms to if it happens we will be excited beyond words and if it doesn’t we are satisfied with what we have been blessed with. Keep Fighting if you are going through a Fertility Journey!
Study on Miscarriage rates with TC involvement: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC13371424/